Vitameatavegamin Vegan Cafe

we went to dinner last night and had some wine. two resolutions merrily squashed in one go. sometimes you just have to say fuck it. so we did. we went to Trader Vic's, birthplace of the maitai so it's said. one sip and i'm right back at the Islander on the Beach in Kauai swimming in their little pool with the lanterns and the warm wind and...so there's this crazy loon of a lady at another table. she looks not so loon like from a distance, but her loud "shit" to no one in particular gives her looniness away. Upon closer inspection she looks quite messed up. Linda said she wasn't a loon but was wearing one of those stupid blue tooth things. i was a little disappointed. I wanted a loon. then i asked linda "what if she can't pay?" it seemed like a brilliant idea for a homeless person, hungry and in need of a drink. wear your best homeless clothes and go to a stuffy place like Trader Vics and eat and drink till you're full then tell the staff you have no money. "What are they gonna do, throw you in jail? then you have a place to sleep and free food." Linda gives me a funny look and says "normal people don't think that way." Anyhow we ordered some wine after our maitai. Linda likes to say that she has "bellavision" when she gets a little buzz. "I got me a bella" she says. I always have bellavision. Anyhow we start planning our future which always involves a plan to leave this messed up country and move to Europe. I have dual citizenship, thanks to my papa being Scottish. We talk about how my job is not getting me anywhere and we ought to open a vegan cafe that serves nothing but vegan food. (her pork chop has yet to arrived at this point.) "soy milk, vegan muffins, vegan pizza, nothing but vegan," she says. "Okay", she says, "here's the plan. We've got a four pronged approach." She holding out three fingers. The loon from across the dining room lets out another "shit!" Basically the plan is that I'm to find a job at Peets, get into the cafe business, get a small business loan, open up the vegan cafe, and then we move to Spain and open a cafe there. "we'll call it "Vitameatavegamin Vegan Cafe" after the I love Lucy espisode, she says. Sounds like a plan to me. We head home and it's decided that prong one requires that I go rent the I Love Lucy vitameatavegamin episode and for some reason i ask to wear her silly BlueTooth thing from her job so that i can call her from the video store. she says yes which i attribute to her bellavision. I pop it over my ear and head out. In the car on the way to Reel Video i try to give Linda a call. "Linda Locke" I call out. "Did you say Tom Gall?" "No, Linda Locke!" "Did you say Tom Gall?" "No!" I repeat louder. I'm sitting in the parking lot now. "Tom G-" "No! No! No!" A man holding his kid's hand gives me a sideways look as he passes the car.

So, that's our plan.