Monday, March 31, 2008

we went to L.A. this weekend and of course i left something behind. it seems i must lose one item a day. and that's a good day. i left behind the power supply for my work computer. i had no juice left in the machine and the computer store on campus wanted $75 for a new one.
no way jose! i'm getting linda's 96 year old stepmom, faye, off her easy chair and down to the post office tout suite.

she's 90 frickin six and still drives. she drove us to Baker's Square. she's got a pontiac or some such soul sister kind of car. it's in perfect condition except for the roof fabric that hangs in big bulging blisters above your head. there's not much room in the back seat with her walker and AARP mags. i read a very interesting article about michael j. fox during our drive to baker's square which we all fortunately survived considering she says she just aims between the yellow and white lines.

jeez, i hope she makes it to the post office okay.

we bought her dinner. fettucini something. looked okay to me. i wanted a sample but i feared faye might immobilize my hand with a fork if i poked at her plate like i did with linda's chinese chicken salad which was okay except she wanted crunchy chinese noodles and got rice. still it went well with the chilled cabernet and faye's foot abscess talk.

but i do like faye. she's got a good sense of humor and a great memory. but boy can she let 'em rip. not a little pufffft like my dear aunt margaret. no these are big nor'easter farts that blow from the bedroom, down the hallway and finally die out in the kitchen. the kind that woke me from my Jeopardy stupor on the couch.

earlier in the day faye told linda that she'd had a dream about her father. she saw him in the bowling alley, walking in with his bowling ball. and she started to cry in front of linda. we took her out to her favorite messican restaurant for a margarita and a wet burrito. we wanted a good top shelf and got a shot of grand marnier on the side which she didn't want and which we quickly drank. she didn't talk much through dinner and i felt maybe she was still a little sad.

"how's your dinner faye?"
"better than last night's."

she ate it all. we got ready to leave. i offered her a stack of napkins which she snapped up instantly. she stuffed them in her purse, then reached for the tortilla chips and lifted them by the wax paper and tipped them in her purse too. i just might love this lady.

i hope she sends my adapter soon.

16 comments:

Ippoc Amic said...

i was gonna fight her for the napkins but figured ah hell she's on a fixed income, let her have them...

she doesn't always wear her hearing aids at night so I don't think she can hear the farts...

and you forgot to mention that she had a hangover the next day...

Lilly Bella said...

ha...I know Faye now! You know we are all going to be a version of Faye someday. (ooh..Chapter title-Someday Faye)

I hope you fed her the beans the day you left because in my country we call those "balas" or bullets...

It was great to see you two, but I wanted to hang out more, I wasn't good company after that race, I could hardly talk or eat or make jokes that only I laugh at...

See you at the Wood. (Madera)

Anonymous said...

"the kind that woke me from my Jeopardy stupor on the couch."

you're killing me.

btw: they are called "fluffs" when a lady does them.

marscat said...

i think she was faking the hangover so we'd make her breakfast...

Someday Faye...that's a movie title i think...

Orosi is a fupa...my new word for everything that causes pain.

Faye's no fluffer!

jen said...

storytime with marscat is my favorite time of day.

Velo Bella said...

I love Faye stories

Faye is not FUPA

Anonymous said...

Can I borrow Faye to drive to my mailbox downtown to retrieve my mail and drive up the 17 and the twisty turny roads to my house to deliver it to me? It sounds like she'll have enough gas...

lauren said...

FLUFFS!

oh my god. when we were little my mom only allowed us to call them fluffs. no fart talk.

i thought they were our dirty family secret.

faye sounds lovely.

marscat said...

reading these comments linda says, "you guys this is my stepmom!"

no repect.

dingo, you want me to give faye a call and ask her?

Denise said...

My grandma used to dump all of the sugar packets and foil-wrapped butter pats into her purse, before leaving the restaurant.

It's not like she was on a fixed income, either.....owning a portion of the Sun-Maid Raisin company, she had plenty of dough.

Ippoc Amic said...

Denise-I think it's a Depression Era type of mentality not wasting stuff.

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chatterbox said...

Hilarious. Faye reminds me of my two great Aunts that we called "The Pink Aunts". Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

Oh and its "toute de suite." But considering that most Americans think french fries are from France, I don't think anyone would really notice...

marscat said...

glad you like cb...

dingo...i know, i know...but figured your average american doesn't know the diff...but not the Dingo!

Anonymous said...

(That damned snobby dingo!)