Monday, January 07, 2008

i am pre-menstrual. i can feel it.

i just threw a hissy fit. linda likes to use the washer as her personal laundry basket. she gets undressed in the kitchen and tosses everything inside. by the time i get to it, it's 3/4 full, no room for my shit. well i would have none of it today. i yanked her stuff out and threw it on the kitchen floor to make room for my stuff.

"this is coming out!" i said.
"and this!"
"and this!"

(a truly good fit requires plenty of good narration.)

she told me to put it all back in. she thinks i put it all back. well, i did not. and it feels good.

and i feel like eating everything in sight right now. did you know that when you are premenstual you can eat whatever you want and you won't gain weight? it's true. my sister said so.

scientifically, it's cuz your body is working hard and doing all this extra shit. it needs whatever it can get. scones, just f-ing eat'm. don't even worry.

although sometimes after my second cornmeal cherry scone from the cheeseboard i think, woah, steady there. if i'm at work when this voice of moderation hits, i'll scrunch up the scone in its wax-paper sack until it returns to its origninal dough state. and then i'll toss it in my wastepaper basket by my desk. smack my hands and be done with it. i'm in control.

then i'll eye it, just sitting there.

of course, you don't want co-workers seeing you eating from the trash can. although, i think mine would take it in stride.

"oh there's what's her name, eating from the trash again."
"what is her name?"

and while i'm at i want to add that i hate o.b. tampons. hate'm. hate that little plastic wrapper that gets some fierce static charge and will not let go. let go little wrapper. away with you. be gone! but it just clings on to the tip of my finger no matter how hard i shake.

okay, the little woman is up. the laundry is done. time to make dinner.

oh, that's a good one.

14 comments:

Ippoc Amic said...

i just found my pile of dirty clothes...i hope you start soon...

p.s. and that crazy sister who teases people with cute little doggies that she has no intention of letting anyone have...right...eat a scone...eat dozens...

erein said...

I hate the maxi pad company (I forget their name) that has this cheery printed message on the overwrap that says "have a happy period". What the hell? As if. :P

Denise said...

Or what about when you try to toss that static-y, clear little plastic strip into the toilet.... it sticks to your butt cheek and you don't realize it until you pull your undies up!! ARGH!!

marscat said...

i've never seen the happy period command, tho i've been having them with the aid of scones.

ah, yes, the butt cheek stick...and the thigh.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes...I just want to be a plant.

lauren said...

i hate pms.

i always forget about it and then in a crazed hysteria i remember why i'm feeling so mean and vindictive.

did you wash ippoc's clothes?

Ippoc Amic said...

ippoc washed ippoc's clothes...

jen said...

errgh, i hate the sticky plastic thingies. there should be a law, i tell ya.

about the only good thing about pms is that it occasionally leads me to get all agro can clean the shack in sb. occasionally.

pass the chocolate...

marscat said...

ippoc washed a few socs...marscat washed and dried the rest

yes, a pms house is a clean house!

Eclectchick said...

"oh there's what's her name, eating from the trash again."
"what is her name?"

Ha ha ha!!!! I was actually fantasizing today about how awesome a bit of office equipment an invisibility cloak would be - especially when PMSing.

X Bunny said...

you did a mahvelous job of scaring all the boys away on this one!

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

That is too funny...

Whenever Mr. Man & I are doing our laundry I feel like it's a competition to get more of my stuff in the wash than he has.

Velo Bella said...

laundry?

Anonymous said...

oh and Ippoc pulls off her bed head nicely with a sweet smile...