Wednesday, May 14, 2008

"your shirt matches your mug," the kid at the coffee shop this morning noticed. she peered at the velo bella logo on my jacket as she pushed my velo bella coffee mug across the counter.

"it's a team," i said.

she nodded slowly, uninterestedly, probably imagining some lawn bowling team.

i bring toast to the coffee shop in the morning with a little bit of almond button on top. but i have to hide it because i feel bad for not buying their artery clogging scones and croissants. i take a bite out of my toast then wrap it back up in the paper towel and wait till it's clear before taking another bite. old lady behavior without a doubt. i'm not so fond of some of the counter help that work at this place. why is it so hard to smile? why is it so hard to say hello? i mean i'm pleasant when i come to the counter, or pleasant enough with my secret wad of toast tucked under my armpit.

the other morning someone mixed up the non-fat with the half and half jug. i knew something was terribly terribly wrong when my coffee turned a ugly grey color. coffee is like $1.70 a cup and is a big daily money drain so i was certainly not going to drink it. i went back to the gal with the evil blank stare and odd bleached hairdo. it was smashed flat to her head on the left side apparently from a deep, unmoving sleep on that side of her face and yet she'd clamped a hairpin over the flatness. i would have put the pin somewhere that might move, but anyhow.

i said "there's non-fat in the half and half." i pushed the grey liquid toward her. "see," i said. "i can't drink non-fat. i have to have half an --"

splat! she tipped it in the sink. "try the non-fat jug" she said. problem solved, except she never went over to the jugs to switch the evil non-fat with the half and half. and i was a little afraid of her and her hairstyle to suggest she might make the switch.

i sat down and unfolded my paper towel and took out my toast. it's very tasty. but it's sort of unsettling when i look at the almond butter jar that is almost empty to think i've eaten a whole jar of almond butter. so i crunched on my toast and all the while felt guilty for not warning others as they approached the jug section and tipped non-fat in their coffee. i was going to get up and warn the smoker guy who sits outside everyday and is friendly enough but then i recalled how he always spills sugar everywhere and never wipes it up.

so i sat there and watched him pour. watched him bring the the cup close to his eyes to examine it. yep, that there fouling up your coffee is non-fat messy smoker guy.

11 comments:

Velo Bella said...

thats what he gets for spilling the sugar

you haven't been to bad coffee shop service hell until you've been to the Pony Epxresso (or whatever they are calling it this month) in Corralitos.

Ippoc Amic said...

and you were upset that announced to the cyberworld that we take baggies to the video store for m&ms?

tell them about the loud talker at starbucks...

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

Remind me never to cross you...

marscat said...

panda i would totally warn you!

chatterbox said...

skim milk is what I call "blue water". Ick. You have to go with the gusto for coffee!

I, too, was dismayed at the number of jars of organic peanut butter get slathered on our morning toast in a given month.

Ippoc Amic said...

cross the marscat and you end up in one of her short stories...

Anonymous said...

wow. you are as disgruntled as i am today. my zero tolerance for nitwits diet was almost titled zero tolerance for morons... but my editor made me draw the line.

jen said...

milk? what is this milk you speak of?

funny story. that barista sounds scarey.

marscat said...

yes, blue water. that's the non-fat milk color...yucko

i use moron before coffee...nitwit after

Eclectchick said...

Almond butter is one of my faves - on a whole wheat bagel.

But I don't have your self control - the almond CROISSANT sucks me in every time.

Yum.

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

I can't believe I actually used to like skim milk. Since that's what I grew up on I thought the fatted ones were too thick or slimy. Now I have seen the light.