Tuesday, January 30, 2007

i was in a meeting with the Chief Information Officer for UC Berkeley yesterday seated at the end of a long very narrow table filled with all the members of his office.

i look at the faces of those surrounding me and size them up in a very superficial manner: smart, smart, faker, slacker, brilliant, diligent, hanger-on, go-getter, lifer, retirement-seat-warmer. i do not know where i fit in. i'm a brilliant slacker, a smart faker, a seat-warming lifer. and yet they keep inviting me to these darned meetings as if i have something to add. i start to think, surely i can't be the only one in here who wonders what they're doing in this meeting?

the CIO says the nation watches what happens at UC Berkeley and as a member of this office (the office of him, the CIO) "What we do will affect universities throughout the nation." i think, i do not want to affect the nation or have the nation watching me. i want to leave this meeting immediately and go home and do my one and a half hour easy ride. i want to be with daisy and minnie and go have a mojito with ippoc.

he says after he talks for 45 mins he's going to have a question and answer session about our goals and objectives for this office. immediately, i begin to panic, because i am hopelessly without goals or objectives for this office (although i think it could be heated a little better and the lighting could be brighter, and the stains on the rug ought to be cleaned up). the panic grows as i imagine the brilliant answers those around me will give to his brilliant questions. could i have a coughing fit and leave the meeting and not come back?

"Okay," the CIO says, "that raps up the first part of the meeting. Let's move on. "Who's heard of the Capitol Project?" hands rise all around the room, none of which belongs to me. a moment's pause, then the CIO says, "Erika, what's our target?"

all eyes in the room turn to me.

all my fears come true. i will be caught out for the brilliant faker seat-warmer that i am. but then this other thought occurs. i never, ever, signed on to have goals and objectives for this office. why do i now have to pretend to have them? this is ridiculous, i think and so i say with absolute confidence, "I don't know."

"Good answer," he says. "neither do i."

perhaps this is the beginning of something.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

that's hilarious!

reminds me of National Lampoon Vacation to Europe...

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

I love it!

Ippoc Amic said...

brilliant blogger who is actually "sick" again today...

lauren said...

sick?! you "brilliant slacker" you.

that's a fabulous story.

Lilly Bella said...

great blog marsykitty!

You were so evasive when I asked what you did for a living I thought it must be so complicated you didn't think I'd get it...

Later when Steven asked me what you did for a living all I said was something super secret smart.

maybe semiconductors...

now it makes sense, our jobs are not that much different...at least those meetings sound pretty similar, I'm sure I get more hugs during the day though.

get better, and go represent

Nrjetik1 said...

HaHaHa...Zsa Zsa you are brilliant :) sorry to hear you are a bit under the weather. all is well on the SF side of the bay. Just pluggin' away, ridin' me bikes and trying to keep the folks downtown fit. Let's go for a ride soon!

velogirl said...

what do you think caused the stains on the carpet?

PAB said...

cool cat.

X Bunny said...

beautiful and brave

marscat said...

Flandria: i need a euro vacation

bbelf: :)

i: much better

lauren: i actually really was sick..get a load of that?

lilly: maybe semiconductors...my daddy designed those.

Nancy: come play in SB!

velogirl: flopsweat, perhaps.

pab and xbunny: hope no one in the CIO office happens upon my brave post! curtains for marscat.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

naptime