i was in a meeting with the Chief Information Officer for UC Berkeley yesterday seated at the end of a long very narrow table filled with all the members of his office.

i look at the faces of those surrounding me and size them up in a very superficial manner: smart, smart, faker, slacker, brilliant, diligent, hanger-on, go-getter, lifer, retirement-seat-warmer. i do not know where i fit in. i'm a brilliant slacker, a smart faker, a seat-warming lifer. and yet they keep inviting me to these darned meetings as if i have something to add. i start to think, surely i can't be the only one in here who wonders what they're doing in this meeting?

the CIO says the nation watches what happens at UC Berkeley and as a member of this office (the office of him, the CIO) "What we do will affect universities throughout the nation." i think, i do not want to affect the nation or have the nation watching me. i want to leave this meeting immediately and go home and do my one and a half hour easy ride. i want to be with daisy and minnie and go have a mojito with ippoc.

he says after he talks for 45 mins he's going to have a question and answer session about our goals and objectives for this office. immediately, i begin to panic, because i am hopelessly without goals or objectives for this office (although i think it could be heated a little better and the lighting could be brighter, and the stains on the rug ought to be cleaned up). the panic grows as i imagine the brilliant answers those around me will give to his brilliant questions. could i have a coughing fit and leave the meeting and not come back?

"Okay," the CIO says, "that raps up the first part of the meeting. Let's move on. "Who's heard of the Capitol Project?" hands rise all around the room, none of which belongs to me. a moment's pause, then the CIO says, "Erika, what's our target?"

all eyes in the room turn to me.

all my fears come true. i will be caught out for the brilliant faker seat-warmer that i am. but then this other thought occurs. i never, ever, signed on to have goals and objectives for this office. why do i now have to pretend to have them? this is ridiculous, i think and so i say with absolute confidence, "I don't know."

"Good answer," he says. "neither do i."

perhaps this is the beginning of something.