i hate public speaking. i'd rather take a shot to the head than speak in public. so we have these 1.5 hour weekly meetings filled with go-getters and me. i never talk in these meetings. sometimes i chuckle which i hope will count for talking, or i nod with gusto.

the truth is, i feel so overwhelmed by the shere brilliance and absolute tedium of my fellow meeting-goers who actually create work for themselves ("I propose we write a proposal and present it to the directors and then write a business procedure to revamp all of the IST websites...") like who asked you?

there's this one super brilliant speciman who is perhaps twenty-six. she changes her hair color, it seems, every other tuesday. this week, she's a blonde. she runs the meetings, and if anyone suggests we need to create a Wiki, or an Excel file, or some such thing to document what we've discussed, she quickly hooks up her laptop to the projector and creates the file right then and there while everyone watches.

go-getter.

i try to make my face look like i'm concerned about the direction of the business procedure plans. i narrow my eyes and lean forward with my hand in my chin. or i sit back in my chair with my arm draped over the back of the chair like i own this meeting. mostly i drift off and wonder how (in the hell?) did i end up here? what strange path led me to this room filled with these inspired people who want to create work for themselves? oh yes. i got canned from my last job making granola.